2022

 Sometimes I think that with so many years gone by, do the messages get read, do my thoughts even have any substance after so many years and what is the point of pouring out.  Then tournament time comes, and people still register to play, people still come to watch and take part in the day, and we are humbled! I often carry people in my heart for years and think of them often but yet I stand amazed when it happens to us. Long after a tragedy, long after others experience their own grief, I find myself wondering how they are coping after such a curve ball comes at them or they feel upended and lost. It doesn't have to be a death necessarily as I believe there are many kinds f grief. As we experience life and its constant change, we all lose our footing or have seasons"of immense struggle and then over time, find our footing again and try to roll with everyday life that always has moving parts.

My hope for this writing is to now update you all on yet another change. A small change really, but an awesome occurrence that has happened in regard to EM's annual volleyball tournament. This will be Part 1 of my overdue update. Part 2 will be an update on our lives as many have prayed for our healing and continue to care for us.

When we started the tournament, it was the summer after EM's accident. It was a huge hit in our community, and many came to support of it. The funds generated went to award a senior at Lakewood High School with a scholarship in Emily's mEMory to a person that exhibited the same qualities as Emily; someone who is kind even beyond their own friend circle, loved the high school experience and was involved and supported everything found to do within those fun years, and was a someone that was outgoing, loved family and life itself. We awarded this scholarship for 14 years. Overtime, many of the staff that once knew Emily personally were no longer working there to help with the choosing of such a candidate and life at the Lakewood High School became very different than when our daughters were there. The criteria established for the scholarship was no longer what we were seeing at previous high school events. Times were changing and sporting events were not well attended where it used to be that is where you would find a packed house every Tuesday and Friday nights in the winter for basketball and there was not a seat to be found at the Friday night football games in the fall. Life as we knew it back then, was changing and more and more people seemed to be content to stay home and even teenagers preferred to interact with their friends on social media instead. We debated on changing the scholarship criteria but coupled with the fact that enough time had passed and people at the high school just didn't know Emily or our family, we decided to go in a different direction with the scholarship. For the past 2 years have been awarding the scholarship to an individual who also displays characteristics of Emily through volleyball. Emily played for FarOut Volleyball Club in Grand Rapids. Jeff, Em's dad, has coached there off and on for years. The club honors their teammate within the fabric of every jersey with a small "EM" in a heart within the logo. It seemed like the next logical step to continue remEMbering our EM and the FarOut organization is one we support and who's current directors knew EM and can make those determinations on our behalf.

Then the 16th year mark came. We now had done the tournament for 16 years, just as long as we had EM in our midst here on Earth. I felt like a good place to call it to its conclusion. What a run it had been. Also, if I'm to be truthful, Jeff had arrived at this long before I did. This is not to say that Jeff didn't enjoy it. He too loved seeing everyone but rather he realized just how much it was taking out of me...both physically and EMotionally. I am 17 years older now and I looked at it completely differently by rationalizing it in my own mind, that if EM were still with , she may likely be married with children of her own. I would certainly be helping her in any way possible and would have loved to be as involved with those grandchildren. Just as I had loved to do with our Sarah. I thought I could just pack all of that energy and time that I would have loved to have spent that way instead, to hosting a tournament for a different cause. It was my own way of giving to her. Besides, it was SO wonderful seeing EM's friends and greater volleyball community that we have scooped up into the fold and into our hearts and see their growing families every year. They all exhibited part of EM to us and were a rEMinder of some happier times. The bonus was we met so many other wonderful people and learned of their stories too. I believe our friend group expanded and our volleyball family/ community grew in leaps and bounds. It felt like a good place to say, "it's been a wonderful ride. Thanks for the unwavering love and support. You all have helped sustain us in our greatest need and deepest.grief'. But just as God often does, he weaves a tapestry of small threads into continuing what He desires and I have to believe it is for the greater good.

Emily had many amazing friends. Chelsea Brehm and Ashton King were 2 of those. Chelsea was the first scholarship winner and Emily's setter for both Blue Power, a Lakewood Club team, when they were of J,r. High age and then again on Varsity at Lakewood High School. Chelsea had been helping logistically more; and more the last few years at the tournament. Kenny and Chelsea have been helping with set up, tear down, registration and really whatever we might need help with. Chelsea and her family have been constant supporters since day One. Daughters Skylar and Hayden have played in this event since they were old enough to get the ball over the net. Chelsea and team have won the tournament against some tough competition several times, and there have been many "special moments" involved in those. It's funny that sometimes as time goes on, your kids' friends can become your friends too. We found ourselves keeping in touch by going on walks on occasion and sharing about our daily lives. We talked about our family's consideration of "retiring the EM tourney" and some tears were shed over this possible decision. I'm not sure how we ended up at this point, as it's been many walks and talks to get here. I do recall one day Chelsea saying she didn't want it to end. After further discussion on what it might look like if Jeff and I were not at the helm, Chelsea was mostly worried about what Jeff and I would think if it wasn't the same. That is Chels...always such a sweetheart. I told her truthfully, that just because it might be different, it could still be good. I think with Chelsea involved, it could only get better. She cares about the 'feel" of the tourney and about the legacy behind it. She's never wavered in her love for her friend and our family. Never.

Ashton King and EM were fast friends beginning in Jr. High and Emily spent lots of time at Ashton's house. They had the similar view on enjoying all that can be experienced in high school. I recall one time when we had just gotten home after school. There was a home game that night and EM did a quick change of clothes and asked for me to take her right back to the high school. I said, "it's only 4:00, tailgating doesn't start for a while". She said "Ashton is already there grilling hot dogs, and someone needs to wave the flag (the Lakewood flag:) The King family has done wonderful things in our community and has promoted and done amazing work at the Lake Odessa fairgrounds and continues to do so. Emily played in the first sand volleyball tournament there. At some point the courts were named "Emily Duits Volleyball Courts" because of Ashton, though many are unaware of this. A planter was put in and Ashton had always hoped for a plaque to also be placed there commemorate the area. A few years ago, new pole pads that say "remEMber" and also sport the number 5. This was Ashton's idea as well and the fair board agreed. Because of Ashton, an incredible memorial is being made and will be placed soon in the planter area. We've also always had a special place in our hearts for Ashton. He has a kind, caring heart, an amazing family and his love for hi friend and community run deep. In my mind, Ashton is an "old soul" in the best of ways. He is wise beyond his years, and I have found myself enjoying our talks about "life" as we try to live it the best we can. He is one the best! Ashton, his wife Kristen, and their children, Ruby, Stetson, Nora and Adele Emily (and soon another baby) are also very active with the pickle-ball courts on the same property, that have been a recent, wonderful addition to our community.

Chelsea and Ashton talked off and on and agreed they would talk the lead. They have acquired a board to help them with details and promotion and each has their own gifts to-add. We couldn't love this group more and all have deep connections with our family and to Emily. The Board members are: Manda Nurenberg, Lacey (Chase) Morris, Jessie Buche and Ashley (Morris) Sponhauer. It's a dream team in my opinion!

Manda Nurenberg is our cousin and knew EM her whole life. Our families were always close and spent annual week long camping trips together. You will find Manda involved in a host of other community , events as her heart is so huge. She's been a true supporter of the community with Swifty's Place, the Jordan Lake Trail, and countless golf outings and more. She has helped with EM's tourney and played in it for several years. She's been our "go to" on tourney day and is the best at knowing what needs done and is tuned in to my emotional needs as well. Her heart is gold and our love for her is immense. She and her husband Dave have two children, Ty and May that are of high school age. She is family and treasured friend.

Lacey (Chase) Morris is another friend, EM's very first friend. They met in Preschool and remained close, very close. They played volleyball and softball in Jr. High together and were ball girls for the Varsity team during that same time period. High School found them going to most every game and dance together and bouncing from our home to hers. Lacey was one of the 3 scholarships recipients that was awarded in Emily's graduating class. Her and her family have been a constant source of support for us for the past 17 years. Her mom Dena was instrumental in heading up the very first golf outing and helping to establish the scholarship fund. They have never left our side and attend/play in every tournament. Lacey is a Kindergarten teacher with 3 sons, Henry, Nolan and Lincoln, and continues to be very active in the community and school district she grew up in. We've watched her grow up and we consider her not only Em's friend but ours now as well.

Jessie Buche was another friend/teammate of Emily's. Jessie was a senior when EM was a freshman. Jessie wore #5 before EM did. Jessie played outside hitter her senior year. EM would have big shoes to fill that next year. Jessie went on to play Dl volleyball and Em had hoped to do the same. The Buche family is another who have remained steadfast in the care for us. Always generous and always there. We are close to the Buche family through births (I was blessed to be in their lives as a babysitter for several years) and devastating deaths. We've traveled sweet and bitter roads together. Her parents Steve and Peggy were the first to suggest the raffle and always were over the top generous. Peggy was on the scholarship committee in the early years to determine a recipient. Our community lost a kind soul when Peggy passed away. Steve, Linsey and Jessie have carried that tradition on to be community focused and generous with time, involvement and gifts. Jessie and her children Sage and Junie, now live locally and we are thrilled she has moved her family back to her roots. She has so much to offer with the many gifts and talents that she possesses.

Ashley (Morris) Sponhauer is another family friend. We've known their family for years and Jeff coached Ashley in Blue Power Club Volleyball. We have fond memories of traveling to the Dells in Wisconsin for a big tournament. Jeff also coached Ashley's sisters Carley and Patsy. Ashley has played in most every tournament and even married at the same location that we hold the event. Her husband David now plays in every tournament since their marriage. Every year David has a gift of workmanship and donates something beautiful in memory of their infant son, Elijah Franklin that passed away. We unfortunately share in a similar grief that binds us together as well. They were blessed with their son Harrison and now have a new baby on the way. Ashley's expertise in marketing and social media will be a huge asset to this community event and outreach. She will continue being involved in a space that holds much meaning to their family as the Lake Odessa Fairgrounds is a place that her grandfather helped create.

I share all of this because I think it's amazing how God orchestrates. We would have been fine bringing this event to a conclusion but we are so proud of this team for their vision and expanded mission! They have expanded the outreach of where the funds generated from the tournament will go. They will be community wide and the board will be mindful to the needs of our community and greater volleyball family as well. It's a perfect transition of being wise and caring with the mentality of "paying it forward". When tragedy strikes it really is one sure way to support others in crisis. They will also be 'I considering gifts to other grieving families, continuation of maintaining the volleyball courts for many future years and possibly donating to other organizations that have a community appeal and benefit. The scholarship donation to either FarOut or reinstating a local recipient are being explored as well.

To the new board, to our faithful attenders, to our volleyball family and future attenders: We look expectantly to what God will do with this transition and we will always be there in support and attendance. We wish you all the success and love and may the outreach be far and wide! What a blessing you will be to others in crisis and what beautiful things you will do in our community and volleyball family!

Thank you from the very bottom of our hearts for the love you will show others through this event and continuing our Emily's legacy in such a wonderful way!

(You can find more information on this event on Facebook and search for 17th Annual Emily Duits Memorial Sand Volleyball Tournament)